Crazy Saturday Night in San Francisco

Had a nice little Saturday - Went fishing, drank some beers, had a double margarita at the airport, drank some beers on the plane, then bought a fifth of tequila before dinner to get the night started right. 4 shots later and we're ready to drive to the city (I'm pretty sure the driver wasn't drunk, but can't say for sure).
30 minutes later we're at my apartment in South Beach taking shots of Patron and drinking vodka redbulls and then hop a cab to Cigar Bar.
Cigar wasn't bad, but a little too calm for our taste (we're 10 drinks deep at this point and just starting to hit our stride).
We head to Kell's and drink some of those 16 ounce blue aluminum bottles of Bud Light. It's hot as fuck in the place and smell's like crap from all the sweaty-ass fat people dancing in the back of the bar. We go to check out the downstairs and it's more of the same.
We meet some ladies and start dancing to Michael Jackson - my friend's twirling this ugly chick around as he keeps telling me "i've got it in the bag"... She looks like low hanging fruit, so I don't doubt it. After a few ass-slaps, a couple offensive comments and him telling her that "he knows she wants to fuck" as he's grabbing her, we head back upstairs where it's a little cooler and not quite as sweaty and gross.
There's a gang of girls there that I know from the Marina so we hang with them and drink more margaritas - dumb idea at this point. It's around 1:30AM, the bar's closing in 15 minutes. "I'm gonna fuck that fat chick...fuck, I hate SF" says Diesel. He's been in SoCal a few too many years and doesn't realize the change in talent level between SD and SF. Frustrated at the situation but realizing its probably better than the alternative of going home solo or hitting an after-hours club or strip joint, he conceeds that we should go with the girls.
THIS IS WHEN THE NIGHT REALLY GETS GOOD.....
We all pile into the girls' mini-van with 5 girls and two other guys we don't know who are suspect -obviously not from around here. 1 of the guys is hooking up with one of the girls so I assume we're dropping them off at his place and I guess the other d-bag was his roommate or maybe just a flunky friend. I'm in front, the guy and girl are in the bucket seats behind me and Diesel is in the back with two girls.
Roommate starts making fun of Diesel's aggressive v-neck shirt from outside the car before we he realizes that they're going to be stuck sitting next to each other - 4 people accross the back seat. "Fuck, I'm really sitting next to this guy?!?"

Diesel's pissed that he's sitting next to the kid but is half-jokingly talking shit to him as we start driving. 3 minutes into the ride as we're giving directions to my place I can hear it heating up in the back seat.
"Are you one of those flamer LA or San Diego kids? What's the deal with the shirt and the hair?!?" roommate says to Diesel, making fun of his metro shirt and spiked-blond fo-hawk hair. Bad move, he underestimates who he's talking too. Diesel isn't very big and look's like a punk-ass LA kid, but he'll whoop someone's ass.
"fuck you, where the fuck are you from?" Diesel says as he bounces up and down in the back seat.
"Fuckin Wisconsin! Represent!" Says roommate proudly as if that makes him badass. Wow, what a fucking idiot. I seriously thought/hoped it was a joke when I heard it. This really set us off. Not a good idea to be a square from another state and come to the Bay Area thinking you're tough. This was the last straw, I knew violence was in order.
"Can I hit him, Can I hit him?!?!?!" Diesel asks me.....We're almost home and I'm thinking we're gonna crash the car if a full-blown fight breaks out in the mini van with eight people in it, mostly girls.
"Pull the car over we'll walk from here" I tell the driver.
"Can I hit this fool!??! AAHHHHHH!!!!" As we're pulling over, Diesel starts strangling the kid and yelling in the backseat as the girls try to pull him off and are hitting him in the back. This is fucking hilarous. Who fights the person sitting next to them in a car? Apparently we do.
I tell him to hit the kid. "Fuck him, I don't care what you do."
We pull over and Diesel starts strangling the kid in the back seat. I'm cracking up, this is total comedy. BAM BAM!, he punches the kid in the face a couple times as he's trying to get out of the way back of the mini van and the girls are trying to hold them back. Oops, I guess in Wisconsin people just talk shit but don't fight because this kid wants none of it even though he's about 6'2" and Diesel stands about 5'8". Wisconsin's friend tries to push Diesel and considers hopping out of the car to fight but thinks twice. BAM! Diesel slugs him in the face. I can't stop laughing, this has been the most ridiculous 5 minute car ride I've ever been in. Police are watching this whole thing take place but I think they assume we're all friends since I'm laughing hysterically and we all were in the same car together.
"Dude, I haven't hit a kid in 2 years that felt so good!" says Diesel. Bullshit, I'm sure he did but might not remember. "I could've fucked that fat chick earlier but hitting that kid was way more satisfying." Lol! It was better for me too since this is a way better story than the average "my friend took home the fat girl" story.....